When Worst-Case Scenarios Go Rogue… and Happen Only in Your Head

I heard this today and it stuck….made me laugh a little if I’m being honest. Anxiety is a conspiracy theory against you… A self imposed conspiracy.

That’s actually a pretty clever way to frame it!  It’s like your brain is secretly running a shadow campaign just to make you doubt yourself, overthink every little thing, and plot worst-case scenarios that never happen. 

Think about that for a second. It’s like your brain is secretly running a shadow campaign to make you doubt yourself, overthink every little thing, and plot worst-case scenarios that never actually happen. 

Calling anxiety a “conspiracy theory against you” gives it a mischievous personality—it’s not just a feeling. It’s a trickster thriving on convincing you the world is out to get you… when really, it’s mostly just in your head.

Calling anxiety a “conspiracy theory against you” gives it a kind of mischievous personality—it’s not just a feeling, it’s a trickster that thrives on convincing you the world is out to get you… when really, it’s mostly just in your head.

If you lean into the humor, it can even be empowering. Suddenly you’re not “broken,” you’re just the target of the sneakiest, most persistent con artist of all time: your own anxious thoughts. 

Think of anxiety as the world’s most passive-aggressive, low-budget spy agency… working exclusively against you. Here are a few riffs:

The Internal PR Team: Anxiety is like a PR firm that keeps sending you headlines like, “Everything is going wrong!” or “Everyone is judging you!”—but the weird part? You hired them yourself.

The Overzealous Detective: It snoops on every conversation, every text, every little pause, and pieces together a crime scene that doesn’t exist. You said “kinda busy”? BOOM, you’re the worst friend ever.

The Saboteur Chef: Anxiety cooks up worst-case scenarios and serves them like a gourmet meal every morning. Spoiler: every dish is burned, inedible, and somehow still makes you nauseous.

The Secret Society: Your brain hosts secret meetings at 3 a.m., plotting all the ways things could go wrong tomorrow. You wake up, and it’s like, “Surprise! We’ve ruined your day in advance.”

The DIY Horror Movie Director: Anxiety scripts a thriller where you’re the villain, the victim, and the audience. It’s like “Home Alone” meets “Mission Impossible,” but starring your self-doubt.

Framing anxiety this way makes it feel almost cartoonishly evil—something you can notice, roll your eyes at, and even prank back… instead of feeling trapped by it.

Honestly, giving anxiety a “face” or a “plot” makes this conversation way easier to have, especially with students. It turns it from something heavy and abstract into a character—slightly ridiculous, always mischievous, and something you can stand up to.

You know, now that I think of it, this might actually make it easier to have this conversation with students. Instead of telling them to just ‘stop worrying,’ we can show them that anxiety is more like a ridiculous, over-the-top character—one they can notice, laugh at, and outsmart. 

So maybe the next time your brain starts its little clandestine operation, plotting doom and crafting overcooked scenarios, you can take a deep breath, smirk, and think: Ah, there you are, my mischievous little spy. 

You didn’t fool me this time. I see your plots, I roll my eyes at your theatrics, and—just maybe—I’ll even leave you a cup of imaginary coffee while I get on with my day. 

After all, the world’s too bright, too messy, and too funny to let a low-budget conspiracy run the show.

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All joking aside… if you ever feel like anxiety is more than a mischievous trickster and you’re struggling to keep afloat, reach out for help. You don’t have to face it alone.

There’s more waiting at https://xinkblotz.com. Telling stories, sharing thoughts, and drinking coffee. A blend of fiction, reflection, and whatever’s brewing – one post at a time.